


Gamzee's Diary

by thisbegam



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Quadrant Confusion, diary entry, quadrant flipping, unrequited flushed feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:20:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1382206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbegam/pseuds/thisbegam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I ain't supposed to feel anything other than the palest packets of pure sugar for my moirail.<br/>-- <br/>Discontinued.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Entry #1

I'm a freak. There's no other explanation for the less-than-normal things I've been up to feelin' about my pale brother lately. There's something way wrong in my think pan, there's gotta be.

  
I ain't supposed to feel anything other than the palest packets of pure sugar for my moirail. I'm supposed to be there to get my listen on for all his issues, to protect him, to make him feel safe and happy. I'm not supposed to be havin' no wicked red feelings for Karkat. I'm not supposed to get jealous as hell and seven kinds of upset when he talks about his matesprit. It ain't supposed to make me happy like it does when they get in a fight.

But right now I'm breakin' just about every palemate rule I can get my hands on. I want them to fight, I want them to break up, and I want my moirail to come lookin' to me to fix his broken blood pusher. But in with all that, I know he's happy with the way things are, and I know I could never bring myself to shake his world up like that. I could never want him hurt. So I don't say nothin', I just let him be happy where he's at. I ain't got any other choice- I love him too much for that business.

And he don't even know.


	2. Entry #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could just let it go.

It hurts. Everything Hurts. I had to listen to my palebrother go on an' on about his matesprit for two hours today an' pretend to be all kinds of glad about it.

He asked me if I've been gettin' my wicked flush on for anybody as of late. I don't like lyin' to my best friend. Makes me feel no good inside. But I ain't up to knowin' what else I should do. I can't just up an' let him know. I can't tell him nothin' about how he makes my pusher feel.

We watched a few movies. I didn't pick any of 'em but I can't say I mind even one little bit. It's cute as all hell watchin' him get all worked up over his rom-coms. Ain't nothin' in the world makes my blood pusher squeeze like seein' him smile. I'd like to see that smile pointed in my direction more often.

He up an' left to go see his mate after all that. He was supposed to be back here a motherfuckin' hour ago. It gets hard not to flip my shit when I know he's at someone else's hive gettin' fawned over an' not here when I could do the exact same thing an' mean it twice as much-

I shouldn't be thinkin' like this. This ain't the way palemates are supposed to think. It ain't like he's ever gonna be in the know on the subject anyway, I should just let it go.

I wish I could just let it go.


	3. Entry #3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm startin' to get my wicked worry on over this business.

We had a hella nice cuddle session today. It was sweet as sugar, we up an' talked about anything an' everything under the sun; it lasted near a couple hours. Everything was awesome 'til my main brother decided that he could use some pale smoochin'.

I told him I couldn't on account of me feelin' mad sick as of late. Since I spouted out that business he hurried me off into the 'coon for some nappin' time.

I hate lyin' to my brother, but man, I just know he'd be able to figure out that somethin' ain't right if it came around to kissin'. He's just too motherfuckin' smart for his own damn good like that.

He still ain't up to lettin' me go outside or get to movin' around too much- Karbrother says I need to keep my sick ass in the 'coon so's I can start feelin' better real soon. I dunno what I'm gonna do once the motherfucker thinks I'm back up to normal health shit again; it ain't like I can just avoid givin' up the pale smooches to my moirail forever. I'm startin' to get my wicked worry on over this business.

All I know is I can't let him find out, little guy wouldn't ever look at me the same again. I just.. I don't wanna ruin shit.


	4. Entry #4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He cried his pusher out for the better part of an hour.

My brother went to visit his flush today. Now normally that ain't a thing I get my happy on about, but today it's like seventeen kinds of even worse. My moirail came back to the hive with his eyes fulla tears.

Karkat is a dude who cries a lot, that ain't uncommon knowledge. He cries over movies an' books an' hell, he even cries over them commercials with the sad animals an' whatnot. But this shit is wicked different, my 'rail is fuckin' hurt this time. His piece of shit motherfuckin' matesprit made him cry, hurt his emotion sac real bad. Last time I checked matesprits weren't supposed to be into doin' that kinda thing. 

He cried his pusher out for the better part of an hour.

I ain't so positive of all that went on, but from what I'm hearin' some nasty shit went down. Fucker was in a bad mood and decided to take it out on the closest little thing he could get to- which just-so-happened to be my motherfuckin' pale-mate. Way I see it, the only reason that no-good bitch ass still has the ability to stand right now is 'cuz Kar told me not to go over there. Any other time, I swear I woulda like pounced right up on that chance, but my best brother is already upset, an' well, I don't wanna make that shit worse even in the smallest bit. The bitch don't know how lucky he is though man, I ain't even sure he'd still have horns if I had gotten to get myself over there an' set him straight like I wanted to. 

Kar is gettin' his rest on now. He done cried himself to sleep a little bit ago, so I cleaned his face up gentle-like and laid him in a soft-lookin' pile. If I wasn't so worried over him I'd probably be over at his motherfuckin' red brother's place givin' him a piece a my mind right now. Maybe I should get to headin' over that way tomorrow.

Just like can't be lettin' my bro find out when shit goes down.


End file.
